Like many others on graduation day, I heard a commencement speaker urge me to follow my dream as I marched into the brave new world as an adult—silly me. My dream then was to be a fashion model who looked good in clothes.
A career in fashion would be my ticket to the world I aspired to join. But after three years as a buyer at a fancy department store in the dog-eat-dog world of retail, the most important thing I did each day was persuade gullible women to buy stripes that season instead of polka dots.
Is this what following my dream looked like? Why did I take the commencement speaker’s advice? I wasn’t alone, though. From an early age, we’re beaten over the head with the message to always follow our dreams and pursue our passions. And don’t get me started on the self-help industry, with its promises of self-improvement.
The follow-your-dream mentality is a scam because the subliminal message behind the hyperbole is that you deserve to follow your dreams. You owe it to yourself to pursue them at all costs. Once you achieve your dreams, you will live happily ever after. Americans have been raised on a diet of dreams, from fairy tales to superheroes.
Researchers at Stanford University have found that the “follow your dreams and passion” advice can hinder our success by limiting our professional aspirations, especially early in our careers. If we enter the workplace convinced that we already know what we want to do in life, we ignore new opportunities.
We can’t dream what we don’t know. We are in the midst of unparalleled change and disruption, and suddenly, the so-called safe routes in our career choices may not be all that safe.
Here are 4 reasons why following your dreams is terrible life advice:
1. Follow dreams, passion, or purpose
On the surface, it’s hard to distinguish among these three terms; they are often used interchangeably, but it’s crucial to make distinctions.
Dreams are fantasies with a high aim in life. They can empower us to map out our future and move toward a greater destiny. Or they can fizzle and die. At some point, most of us dream of rising from our glum existence to become the owner of a wildly successful business, a renowned expert, a rock star, a billionaire, the perfect parent… the list goes on.
Dreams can be like fairy tales; Cinderella is perhaps one of our most beloved. We tend to forget that Cinders endured hardship before her dream of escaping her life came true. She was starved, beaten, and treated like a slave. Our dreams don’t come true through wishful thinking or fantasizing about a better way of life.
You may dream of following your passion, a favorite topic of books and articles. Passion is about you. You are passionate about—whatever. Purpose is about something beyond you. It de-emphasizes “you” because purpose is about pursuing something outside yourself rather than pursuing something that gives you pleasure.
Passion asks what can the world give to me?
Purpose asks what I can contribute to the world.
If I’m going to discover what is important to me, I need to get off my butt and find it. I don’t need to be overwhelmed by emotion to know it’s the right thing for me.
People are so conditioned to seek happiness that they give up at the first sign that something won’t be fun. They feel entitled to love every second of their job, and if they’re slapped in the face with something unpleasant, they pick up their ball and go home. Yeah, that’s why pursuing passion is for amateurs. It also sounds a bit childish.
The truth is this: dreams and passion are for amateurs because they give us easy questions. I mean, we can all find things to love and dream about. It’s where people stop on their way to answering the bigger question: What can you do with your life that is important?
How to make it work for you: Passion, dreams, and happiness are essential to good mental health, but finding and living your purpose is key to a meaningful, fulfilling life.
- Find out what drives you. Is there anything that touches you so deeply it causes you pain? Does it drive your behavior? Often, a powerful purpose can arise from powerful pain.
- Find out what energizes you. It is not enough to know the problem you want to solve; you must also discover how you can make a unique contribution to solving the problem.
- Find out who or what you want to help. Are you drawn to animals in need? To rescue abused children? To the environment? You may not be able to save the world, but you can significantly impact your community. There are many ways to chip away at the problem, but finding your own path is up to you.
2. Dreams grow and change
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Follow your dreams is crap advice because it assumes you will have only one dream in life. People are dynamic and adaptive; you will continue to evolve at every stage of your life. What was once a dream or passion can become nothing more than a fond memory as time passes.
We can benefit from dreams, but it’s critical to understand the difference between having a dream and letting the dream possess us. If we stick to a prefabricated blueprint of our future, we miss new opportunities that pop up all around us. The following opportunities are likely to help us create mature dreams for our lives that align with our skills and talents.
A strong mind can change goals as circumstances and opportunities change. Are you mentally tough? Take this evidence-based, FREE Mental Toughness Assessment.
When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed—Marilyn Manson
We may get everything we’ve dreamed of, but reality can set in and remind us that fulfillment and dreams are not always the same thing. Many of our dreams turn out to be superficial and shallow. They may bring short bursts of happiness, but if those dreams do not align with our purpose, they can also leave us feeling empty.
How to make it work for you:
- How many of your early dreams were truly yours, as opposed to other people’s dreams foisted upon you?
- How many of your early dreams still ring true?
- Which dreams are rooted in insecurities as a younger person?
- Which dreams can help you realistically move forward in your career now?
3. Find your worth
Young people entering the workforce believe they will be at the forefront of professional success. However, to feel “engaged” at work, they need to look around them and first “engage” with their work.
In the workplace, our worth is not determined by how we feel but by what we do. This is a tough lesson to learn because we’ve raised a generation of young people accustomed to receiving a prize for simply showing up, and words like failure are glossed over with platitudes from parents and school administrators.
As a result, many young people feel betrayed when given tasks that are boring or don’t inspire them. They were told they could achieve anything they wanted in life, but they were not told it would take more than dreams and promises. They were not told they would need to earn their professional success.
This can undermine their sense of worth. We are all born with personal worth, but we have to earn our professional worth. Summer internships, academic records, or your last job don’t matter once you enter a new workplace. We start fresh.
When our careers start, we should expect to be stuck doing menial labor and crappy jobs because someone has to do them. Once we’re on the job, people will only recognize our worth once they see our work. That takes time, effort, and consistency. It’s not based on promises but on results.
How to make it work for you: Work on your worth at home and at the office. Never settle for less than you deserve, but recognize that you may feel a bit worthless until you know the ropes.
4. Differentiate between dreams and reality
Only some people can drop everything they have to follow a dream or passion that may or may not support them. A professional in a demanding job may spend less time than they desire with family and at home, but they need to make mortgage payments. A successful professional could rationalize leaving their job, which covers expenses like healthcare, to pursue a new career making wood sculptures. They would be living their dream, but what about the income to send their kids to school and pay medical bills?
Unless you are a fantastic artist who can compete with other fantastic artists in the real world, most people can afford to indulge only part-time.
That is life; most of us are responsible to others, not just ourselves. Pain, frustration, and disappointment are facts of life. It’s what you do with those reactions that makes the difference. Our dreams will not solve our current problems. A wise person will learn to deal with the crap in their life rather than pursuing some ideal in the future.
Life is hard. Pain is inevitable. Growth is optional—LaRae Quy
How to make it work for you:
- Take a long, loving look at what motivates you. Bookshelves and articles are full of tips for following your dreams, finding your passion, and instantly curing your boredom, but you don’t need to be remarkable. All you need to be is someone who contributes to society in a way that motivates you.
Give up the fantasy of a perfect life. Most jobs have a bit of suck to them, but you can still find aspects of your situation that bring you joy and fulfillment.
Primary image by Alexas_Fotos
© 2026 LaRae Quy. All rights reserved.
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Author of “Mental Toughness for Women Leaders: 52 Tips To Recognize and Utilize Your Greatest Strengths.”
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